I was asked recently about my daily routine and how it had changed with this bodybuilding adventure. I excitedly described the tracking of the macros, the weighing of the food, the daily weigh ins, etc, etc. The next question stopped me in my tracks. Actually, not the question itself, but my response TO the question. "Do you find it tedious", to which I replied "no", with no hesitation. I suddenly realized I had turned a corner. Without even knowing, my life had changed and had become all about bodybuilding, macros and the routine therein. In the blink of an eye. Now the intrigue was how did this happen, why and when? And thus, the dissection began.
In the Beginning
Looking back (and reading our early entries), we both can see that there was alot of fear surrounding this adventure. Hell bent and determined, we focused on this unfamiliar path only to discover far more than we ever anticipated. The physical challenge was expected. The psychological challenges were not. We were becoming physically stronger yet at the same time, becoming increasingly aware of our inner demons.
Flying the Coop
Let's take a step back for a moment. Unresolved childhood trauma bears a heavy load and I pushed all of that waaaay down, especially when the children were born. Wanting to be the best parents that we could possibly be, our main focus and priority became the livelihood and well being of those wonderful souls. Trauma was buried and memories were suppressed.
Fast forward 21 years. Finally having the time to enjoy our lives again, we started to do all the things WE wanted to do and picked up right where we left off, before kids. Albeit a little worse for wear and slightly older but freedom was calling and the world was our oyster!
But wait. Why do I lack self confidence? Why does self doubt and anxiety plague my every move? I'm 53 for heaven's sake. I'm mature and have earned the right to be happy!
A Time to Heal
I can be so hard on myself when I start to have self doubt or nagging insecurities. Now that the focus has shifted, and I can concentrate on myself more, those unresolved issues have come back with a vengeance, demanding to be heard. But I remain steadfast and I am preparing for some heavy duty battle. Reminders from my husband about how hard I can be on myself helps ease that inner critic sometimes. Support is important to me, but getting to the root of these issues is key.
Which brings us back to our bodybuilding competition. As we mentioned before, becoming physically stronger was a given. Having so much nagging self doubt and insecurities completely blindsided us. Having our inner demons show up to this party, at this stage of the game forced us to confront some issues sooner than later. Which really is a good thing. Self improvement can be difficult but acceptance and inner peace gives us strength to overcome.
I learned so much from creating my own personal strategies. They helped me move forward. Tracking macros, getting to the gym, writing in our journal was a routine I silently created to help keep me grounded. No longer a fear of implementing, I just did it. And tedious? No way. And that was the trigger that told me something positive had happened.
I feel like I have come full circle. What started on a whim between two friends, turned out to be a wondrous path to self discovery. Achieving daily goals and seeing results feeds my self worth and sense of accomplishment. The beginning, the middle and the end are all part of this journey. What we will learn along the way is a gift from the opportunity we've been given. The road less traveled is not always marked with signs. For us, it appeared as something obscure and unclear about it's direction. We ventured down anyway and are finding our way, gaining muscle while we go!
Sandra started her ketogenic lifestyle two years ago which naturally morphed into the carnivore WOL. Bodybuilding after 50 just seemed like the next step and the natural thing to take on for this rebellious nature. Because...... why not???